Sometimes it’s time to speak up.  

People may tell you that it’s not a big enough deal to make a fuss about it, or that maybe you’re the one who should be getting over it.  But, the truth is that there is no such thing as being a cry-baby, tattle-tale, or snitch when someone’s well-being is on the line.  Of course that sentiment varies by circumstance and should be taken with a grain of salt, but I think you get what I mean.  

It’s funny…sometimes the hardest person for me to speak up for is myself.  I’m the tough girl, the one-of-the-guys…girl.  Wouldn’t complaining about mistreatment be a little (God forbid!) girlie?  Not always, and definitely not for me at this moment.  It’s fun to be one of the guys and it’s fun to have a little bit of a tough side.  I’ve seen more crazy sights, climbed (and fallen out of) a lot of trees, had to jump a fence for fear of being impaled on a bull horn, and gotten more bloody knees than I care to count.  I wouldn’t trade those toughening experiences for anything.  Unfortunately, though, these experiences have left me at a loss for being consistently able to identify when I am being physically mistreated.  I mean…how is a girl who has grown up being a toughie going to be able to tell the difference between simple rough-housing and unnecessary roughness?  The answer is - the people who care about me.

If a friend or family member is shocked by something you just told them in your signature laugh-it-off tone, take note of it.  Friends and/or family are removed from your immediate situation and are, more often than not, able to see the situation for what it really is.  Where you might laugh off the fact that one of your guy friends “gently” hit your face, people who actually care about you will raise an eyebrow or two.  And, if a guy friend gives you a dead-leg for no reason and the next day you have a purple bruise the size of his fist, people who care about you can point out that that bruise qualifies as being unnecessary.  

The sad fact of it is, abuse comes in an overwhelming amount of different forms.  Though I am specifically referencing men in this post, I won’t neglect to point out that women will be guilty of abuse too.  Everyone has their own style, but abuse is more common than I care to think about.  

The point is…listen to your family, listen to your friends (your real friends, that is).  They are most consistently the ones who will act and speak out of their love for you.  And, if you fall into the trap of thinking that it’s none of your family or friends’ business and you think they should stay out of it…then be veryworried.  The day that you refuse to acknowledge that your hurt causes severe pain to those closest to you is the day that you have truly begun to go under.  Pain is like quicksand; it appears harmless until it is moments from taking your life from away.

Why are you running, running, running?
Why are you hiding away?
You may think that what you have done is beyond my power to forgive.
You may think what you have said makes me shrug and turn away.
You may think that you are lost.
But you are not lost to me.
How could you ever be?
Where are you that I cannot go?
Where have you been that I have not been?
What did you see that I have not seen?
What did you do?
No, it cannot be undone, 
The pain cannot be unmade, 
The life cannot be un-lived,
The time will not run backward,
You cannot un-choose your choice.
But the pain can be healed,
Your choices can be redeemed,
Your life can be blessed,
And love can bring you home.

Love languages...

3 - Words of Affirmation
9 - Quality Time
1 - Receiving Gifts
6 - Acts of Service
11 - Physical Touch
A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

In honor of the last two weeks of my undergrad career.  God bless you, Doris Day.

It's my mind and I'll think emo if I want to!

My mind keeps drifting back to things I've supposedly already thought about.  It's like the whiplash that comes the morning after the car crash; I check my thoughts out and then they check right back in.  On a less emo note, I graduate from Biola University in three weeks!  Only two of those three weeks will be spent on homework and class time, considering that I thankfully do not have any finals during finals week. I'm excited, but the idea of "moving on with life" only leaves me apprehensive.  I'm doing the whole application thing, applying for organizations that I would actually like to be a part of and not merely employed.  I don't want to cringe when I tell people where I work or what exactly it is I do... I want to be PROUD of what I do!  If my occupation is what enables me to live my life and thrive, then I want that occupation to add to my life's blood, not take away from it.
I guess my current emo thought-pattern makes sense.  It's hard to focus on one of the few undergrad assignments I have left when the weight of my future weighs on my mind.  I'm supposed to be making a powerpoint for a presentation in class tomorrow...but who cares about such things when caps and gowns coat my mind?  In honor of such chaos, I'm not even going to proof-read this post.

It's my birthday...but it's also Tuesday.

Today is my 21st birthday.  I'm at Biola University for summer school right now, which means I'm again spending my birthday away from home.  I really should be used to it by now though.  I've spent my birthdays away from home almost every year since I was eleven.  I went to Awana Scholarship camp every summer, and it always fell on the last week of June.  At the time, I kind of like it.  Having my birthday at camp meant spending my special day with a lot of my friends (about 300 of them, actually).  I'd grown up with these kids, and was used to not only seeing them during the summer for camp, but also throughout the school year for other Awana events.  This made having my birthday away from home pretty nice!

One major damper surrounding this happy setup, though, was my knowing how much my parents were sad not to be with me on those days.  Eleven years old was a young age for me to start depriving my parents of their right to share in my birthday celebrations.  I feel that even now.  I've deprived my parents of exactly half of my life's birthdays, and my only excuses are camp and summer school.

Maybe I'm just being sentimental.  Either way though, I hope I can one day make it up to my parents.  For now though, I'm going to be happy knowing that as long as I'm happy on this day, they will be happy too.  I know this to be true because I heard that happiness in my momma's voice on the phone this morning.

Personally, I don't find birthdays to be the big deal that my parents were both raised to believe they are, but that's alright.  As long as they feel birthdays are important, I will too.

The regret of inevitability -- is the film too slow or is my attention span too short?

          Tonight I watched Public Enemies for the third or fourth time. The first time I saw it, I didn't know what to think of it, despite the cinematic setting. Historically, Michael Mann had created something beautifully accurate. Everything, even down to John Dillinger and Johnny's Depp's matching clothing sizes, made the film a legitimate piece of history. Why then, may I ask, didn't this film go over better with the public. Why didn't the box office take a bigger leap? Is the American viewing public so obsessed with action flicks that a crafted film doesn't stand a chance? Maybe it's just the sap in my that makes me love this film so much, but, in my personal opinion, it deserved louder applause.

          For starters, Public Enemies is straight up eye candy. And, no, not because it stars Johnny Depp (though that detail definitely doesn't hurt). Visually, the costumes alone are enough to make me lose my breath. Whether it's the long, dark, and mysterious trench coats or JD holding a Tommy gun with convincing attitude, Enemies dropped me into another time and place. Even if the writing and/or direction of this film had not sufficed in keeping my attention, the visual aspect might have managed the job on its own. Luckily for me, however, I feel the writing was outstanding. Will this film keep every viewer's attention? No. No film, that I know of, can accomplish that fete. What's more, bio/history-pics don't exactly own the box office. Gems like Saving Private Ryan and The Patriot are good examples of different times history ruled the hen house; however, I would personally question how much those box office numbers were influenced by the amount of action portrayed in those films. Don't read me wrong here, I love both of those flicks (I mean I really love them!), but if they had lacked in the action category, I suspect they would have had fewer returns. Not that I'm complaining. I'm a fan of the action genre myself, but I'm saddened to think that many accredited films have been tossed aside merely because they demanded an attention span that an action-saturated audience couldn't keep up with.

          In my own perfect film world, action films only have the amount of action necessary to effectively convey the story, and slower films aren't polluted with needless action sequences in order to seduce ticket-buyers.

          Ending on a lighter note, how amazing a job did Johnny Depp do in this movie! Amazing. He may make one heck of a pirate, but this is the type of role that shows off his real acting abilities.